The Night Before Christmas, v2010

I read an interesting article about how today's kids use various online social media tools to track Santa's location with the help of NORAD (the North American Aerospace Defense Command). With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, I felt compelled to rework his classic poem for the times:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, just Junior’s mouse;

The kid was on the PC, surfing Facebook with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The others were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

He picked up his iPhone, and opened an app,

Up on his screen appeared a new Google Map;

He searched around Twitter, to check out the chatter,

And found out that NORAD was streaming live data.

He reinstalled Windows and updated Flash,

For fear that his father’s old HP might crash.

He logged onto YouTube as it started to snow,

And widened his eyes at the cool video;

For what on his 20-inch screen should appear,

But an avatar sleigh and eight avatar reindeer,

With an avatar driver, so lively and quick,

He knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

Slower than molasses, his browser it lagged,

He slammed on the table and cursed as he tagged;

“%#^@, Dasher! &*%$#, Dancer! %$#@, Prancer and Vixen!

@$#%, Comet! %$^, Cupid! $#^@!, Donder and Blitzen!

The DSL line, it was pushed to the brink,

“It better not freeze,” Junior heard himself think;

Soon, over Paris, then above Amsterdam,

As seen by millions, on the live Santa cam;
Eight tiny reindeer, a sleigh and a man;

Now up on the roof, the sound of a sled,

Getting snagged in the cable,

As the connection goes dead.

-MD